i can´t shake the feeling that a part of me still loves him.

I  don´t want to feel this way, i just do. I want to hate him, and a part of me realie does... That part is just not big enough.

He is realie anoying, and he tries to irritate me any way he can. I want to forgive him for everything he has done to me, but I just can´t. He broke my  heart into a million peacec. And I am afraid that if I forgive him he will hurt me all over again. I just can´t handle it.

I had a romeo, and i was his Juliet.

We where happy, we where in love. And just a thaout of that mekes me miss it.. Miss him. He was the first gye that made me feel special, loved and beutiful. And becouse of that i will allways be conected to him. Even tho we had are porblems we seamed to allways worke it out. Untill he broke my heart with a big fat lie. But I am over it. I hav never realie let him go. I hav allways liked him. But know I hav a new gye in sight, but he is not a romeo... He is better.

OMG! Tobias, the hottest gye in class. And he texted me, ME! I wantet to right more to him, but i dident know what to say. I culdent say that i kindof liked him becouse my BFF alsow kindof had a thing for him. But its onfear, becouse her feelings hav allways been on and of but mine has allways been on. But as any other gye I have ever liked, he wold rather be toghether with my BFF. And I couldent blame him... or her.

It is not her falt that she is beutiful. I wish i had her confident, she is so cool and powerful. No wounder why all the boys is throwing them selfs at her. And i know that i cant change how pepole look at me, but I change how i look at myself. 2015 is just around th corner. A new me for a new year.

Watch out 2015, here i come! 

I am Swedish, and sens i started this blog I have been using google translate to rite my posts. But I am tired of doing that. So I am gonna stop doing that, and just go with my instinks and right direktlie from my heart. And i dont care if I misspell.

And I thath sens I am the only one how reads this, It dosent matter how i spell.

I didnt want to love him, I shouldn't love him ... I just did.

I think I will never get over him. I mean I love him, but I'm not in love with him. And the factat that he thinks I hate him and he hates me, which I am not 100% sure of does not help the situation.

He "flirts" with my BFF. And that he stands towards her, but sometimes it feels like he's talking directly to me. And that he's my ex-boyfriend does not help. Because he knows me and he knows my faces. Like when I am happy, sad, in love, distraught, heartbroken, tired and when I'm head over heels in love staring at him. Or when I'm lying, or really glad over a complimen.

And the saddest thing is that after all he has done to me, I could never be his GF again, even though I still love him. And i think I am a little in love with one of his bestfriends.

And we sit at the same table in the class. And I can see his sad eyes across the room when I laugh at his best friend's joke, or when I give him a compliment or he gives me one.

And sometimes, we get matched to work together in class (me and the BFF) and I can see the anger and fury in his eyes.

and it makes me...

sad

We were GF and BF in almost a year. And then it happened. He broke up with me ... With a lie !! he said he had to move to his father, who lived very far away. And because of that he had to break up with me. Because he could not have a girlfriend on the other side of the country.But a few weeks later, I saw him everywhere all the time and I mean everywhere. it was like he was following me. But if you're going to be completely honest, it was probably the other way around. He'd hang out a lot with a girl that was in a class above him. and it was with her that I saw him everywhere with. I was heartbroken.Everywhere I lookt they just stood there and made out like nothing had hapend. And everyone was talking about it . It was so annoying and so heartbreaking. And he never moved to his father, he still lives with his mother. I felt so cheated, if Im completely honest, I still fell cheatet. And that's the story ... And now every time we walk past each other, it is so amazingly...

Awkward.

I dream about the same thing as any other teen girls. About that guy who you can just be yourself with, the guy who was not only your boyfriend but also your friend. I had it, and I loved him. I felt real with him, I felt wonderful with him. But I'm not sure he felt the same. Because if he did, he would not have done what he did...

My life is so complicated, I wish everything could just be easierI just wish someone could see me as I am, Just me.